Its Been A While, I'm a Dad Now!!!

I remember when I first started this Blog, I went in with the best of intentions, but alas it seems to have fallen by the wayside. I think my last post was 3 years ago, First's for 2012 or something, I'd look back and check but my inherent laziness forbids me.

I have to say looking back then I didn't think in 3 years my life would change too much, i'm a complacent creature at the best of times. I dropped the weight (steadily regained a bit of it recently but that's through being a dad, I'm slowly working it off). Oh yeah I'm a dad now and my little boy Roo is coming up to his first Birthday. Fatherhood crept up on me to be honest, I never had any aspirations of being a father nor have I ever had any desire to have children. I always found the thought terrifying, not because of the whole its a tiny little life in your hands thing, nor the daunting responsibility thing. But mainly because it seemed fucking messy and time consuming, and believe me it is. What follows is a list of things that as a parent you may as well just kiss good bye too, In no particular order.

1. 6-8 hours sleep, yeah its not going to happen, get used to it, At first it may seem like your little bundle of joy sleeps like a baby and then after a few weeks you realise who ever coined that phrase was a lying bastard. My biggest tip is buy a Tommy Tippee perfect prep machine, they are a life saver, it makes milk prep 100 times easier and you will get your money's worth out of it. Also buy a bungalow because soon those stairs are going to look like the crags of doom, as you drag your half conscious formula milk spattered carcass up and down for the majority of the night.
2. Hobbies/Social Life etc, you will kid yourself that having a child doesn't change the fact that you are a human being with interests. Its bullshit, it's all baby now, all conversation is about baby,a 3rd of your shopping list is now dedicated to baby. Then when you finally find the time to sit down and actually indulge yourself, you end up drifting into an uneasy slumber.
3. Sex, HAHAHAHAHAH!!! yeah right.
4. Enjoying meals, More often than not you end up wolfing down your meals,especially when your child learns how to crawl. Then life simply descends into an odd games where your infant tries to injure themselves in ever more creative and elaborate ways and you try and stop them.
5. Alcohol, you thought a crying baby was bad enough, then you got a hangover!!!
6. Clean clothes, don't even think about trying to look nice from day to day. Drool, shit, piss and puke these will be your new brand names. The heady scent of vomit and baby wipes your new cologne.

I could think of more, now don't get me wrong being a parent is the most rewarding thing any human can do. Its a joy to see my little boy each day. But god its tough and by no means a walk in the park. Before the little man was conceived I was planning on buying a french bulldog  and an Xbox 1. I have to say I wouldn't trade my boy for either of them.